Sunana Mariya Maude, wannan shine karon farko da zamu hadu da wani saurayi wanda muka dade muna chatting a WhatsApp, kuma a lokacin naji sanyi saboda sanyi sosai. Bayan mun hadu, sai muka yi shirin zuwa wani gidan abinci mai kyau, muna cikin cin abinci, sai na yi atishawa – kwatsam sai ga wani gamsai ya fito daga hancina! Haka na yi saurin tsalle da karfin hali, da gudu na nufi bandaki tare da rufe fuskata. Bayan haka, mutumin bai taɓa son zuwa ko’ina tare da ni ba. A lokacin nayi dariya sosai yanzu idan na tuna wani abu daya faru sai nayi dariya.
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Labarin soyayya mai ban dariya (2)
A shekarar da ta gabata, lokacin da na fara haila, Biggie, sunan daya daga cikin masoyana da nake so ya sanar da ni cewa shi da abokinsa Sani Nigga za su zo gidanmu don kallon fina-finai. Muna da sabon cat a gidanmu, kwanan nan da aka kawo. Wannan cat yana son fitar da abubuwa daga cikin sharar kuma ya watsa su. Muna kallon fim din sai ta shigo falo ta sauke wani abu a cinyar masoyina. Ya kalli katsin ya kalli abin da take a cinyarsa, sannan ya zabura ya ce, ”Kai! Ina dubawa sai naga ashe daya daga cikin audugar da na yi amfani da ita! Na dauko na jefar da shi da sauri, amma da fim din ya kare, Biggie da abokinsa Sani Nigga suka tafi da sauri. Babu wani abu mai kyau da ke faruwa tare da wannan dangantakar!”
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Labarin soyayya mai ban dariya (3)
Ina tare da wasu abokai har da wanda nake so a cikin su, amma bai san ina son shi ba, alhali dayanmu yana kallon fim a sinima. Da muka shiga gidan sinima kowa ya zauna tare, sai aka cire wutar kafin a nuna fim din, duhu ya cika fim din, sai na ji wani abu ya fara motsa ni, na ji an rike hannuna sosai. Sai naji ana rungume ni, jikin wanda yake rike dani ya cika da tsoro, sauran abokanmu da abokanmu ba su san me ke faruwa ba, ana cikin haka sai aka mayar da wutar, kowa ya juya don ganin yadda wannan mutumin da yake matukar burge ni da wanda nake so ya rungume ni, jikinsa ya jike da gumi. Da sauri guy din ya bar fim din yana jin kunya. Ban sani ba ko babban dan wasa ne, ko da mutane suka fara kallon fim din, sun kasa daina dariya.
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Labarin soyayya mai ban dariya (4)
Saurayi na yana zuwa gidan adana kayan tarihi na yara shi da kaninsa, ran nan ya ce mu tafi tare, ban ji dadi ba, amma ta yaya zan yi, tunda ya nace da gaske yana so na je, sai na amince. Amma lokacin da muka je gidan kayan gargajiya kuma muka fara kallon nunin, a zahiri ya zama wani abu mai ban sha’awa. Akwai wasan pyramids, kuma yana da katon maze, watau yaran aljanu suna wasa. Ina jingine jikin bango zan fito na tsorata shi na zo wucewa. Da na ji zuwansa, sai na yi tsalle na yi ihu, ‘Boo!’ Nan da nan sai ga wata karamar yarinya ta yi kururuwa ta fara kuka, na fita daga inda na buya a tsorace na fice daga gidan kayan tarihi, amma saurayina da kaninsa sun kasa daina min dariya har yau.
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Labarin soyayya mai ban dariya (5)
“Akwai wani yaro da nake matukar so, ina son in fada masa wani abu na soyayya a waya, sai na rubuta doguwar wasika na karanta a bayyane, na dauki wayata na danna masa kira aka dauke ni, da na ji an dauki kiran, sai na fara karanta wannan wasikar a tsorace, ina cikin karanta sirrin zuciyata, sai na ji hayaniya a cikin wayar, wani hayaniya ya yi, sai mutum ya yi magana, sai mutum ya yi magana, sai ya danne wayar, sai mutum ya yi magana, sai mutumin ya yi magana, sai ya danne wayar, sai mutum ya yi magana, sai ya danne wayar, sai ya yi magana da wayar, sai mutum ya yi magana. Yaron da nake so ne ya katse ni ya sanar da ni cewa ba zan yi masa magana ba, wata yarinya ce ta amsa waya, duk tsawon wannan lokacin ina furta soyayyata ga ‘yar uwarsa!”
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Labarin soyayya mai ban dariya (6)
“Ni da saurayina muka fita tare da wasu masoya biyu, bayan mun juya za mu koma gidanmu inda za su sauke ni, ni da saurayina a bayan mota muna sumbata, amma sai ya yi sauri ya kawar min fuska daga nawa ya bude motar da sauri ya fito ya fara amai, sai daya daga cikinsu ya dawo yana nishi ya ce warin miya ne ya sa shi dariya!
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Labarin soyayya mai ban dariya (7)
Sunana Zuly, muna zaune a cafeteria tare da abokanmu da abokanmu, dukan dalibai, na yanke shawarar yin wasa da su. Duk sun san ina son wani yaro mai suna Jamil, don haka na yanke shawarar gaya musu cewa muna magana da shi. Gaba d’aya suka kalle ni a gigice na gaya musu yadda ya kira ya ce yana sona. Na yi musu karya kullum Jamil ya zo gidanmu amma ban fito ba. Labarin yayi dadi sosai duk suka ba ni hankalinsu suna saurarena sai naji wata murya a bayana tana cewa “To yaushe wannan duka ya faru?” Juyowa kawai nayi sai naga Jamil.
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Labarin soyayya mai ban dariya (8)
Yau ce rana ta farko da za mu fita tun da muka fara soyayya da saurayi. Muka fita cin abinci, muna zaune kan teburin cin abinci, wannan saurayin ya taso ya daura min sarka a wuyana, wai inna ce ta yabawa budurwar shi, ni kuwa ina jin dadi. Sai da daddare abokin nasa ya dawo bayan sun tafi, sai ya ce min wannan sarka ta wata mace ce da ba ta sani ba a titi, sai saurayin ya yi saurin tsallaka ya ce ya samu kyautar da zai ba ni. Shi ne ya yi min wannan karyar.
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Labarin soyayya mai ban dariya (9)
Wata rana wani yaro da nake so ya ce in zo mu kalli fim tare da shi da abokansa. Komai yana tafiya daidai har muka kalli fim din muka fito. Naji dadi har na manta dare yayi sosai, sai na gane sai na fara tsorata don nasan babanmu zai ce da yawa. Muna tsaye bakin titi motar babanmu ta fito ta neme ni. Babana ya tsayar da motarsa ya kalli wani katon murgudi yana jiran kofar gidan sinima, sai ya tambayi mutumin ko dan kokawa ne sai mutumin yace eh dan kokawa ne, sai babana ya kalleni yace itama tana kokawa! Gaba d’aya suka juyo suka kalleni suka kwashe da dariya harda yaron da nake so. Na dan ji kunya na bar wajen.
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Labarin soyayya mai ban dariya (10)
Zuwaira ce tayi aure da Faisal. To, Zuwaira na daya daga cikin matan da suke cin haram. A lokacin tana gida kafin su yi aure, tana iya cin abinci kwano uku kafin ta koshi. Idan ta zo shan shayi sai ta sha a cikin wani katon tulu. Idan ta ci biredi, sai ta ci babban biredi da kanta. Afuwa!
Bugu da kari, Zwaira za ta iya ci muku kwanuka biyu ita kadai. Mijinta Faisal bai san amaryar sa bace mabukaciya ce, ma’ana bai san ya aure ta ba, ita kuma ta ji kunyar mijinta da sanin irin wannan mugun abincin da take da shi. Don haka duk ranar da za su yi buda baki sai matar ta tanadar musu shayi a cikin ‘yar karamar mugu, watau shayi, sai su sha tare da biredi.
Amma da zarar mijinta Faisal ya fita ya tafi aiki, sai ta yi sauri ta hada shayi a cikin wani katon tulun ruwa ta dauko katon biredi da take tura almajirinta ya saya mata. Haka take yi da rana, sai daddare ba ta iya cin wannan mugun abincin saboda Faisal yana gida.
Washe gari da safe Zawaira ta shirya musu break kamar ta saba, suka watse sannan faisal yace ta tafi. Tana fita ta sake had’a shayi a babban tulunta, almajirinta ya siyo mata babban biredi ya kawo mata. Sai da ya fara cin abincin Faisal ya dawo gidan ya dauki wasu takardu da ya manta, amma bai ga matarsa tana yaga biredi da shayi a cikin katon tulu ba. Da kyar ta tashi ta tashi da wannan kofin shayin da wani katon biredi, ta dago ta kalli miji Faisal taga ya bude yana kallonta!
